


Baby Steps

by assholemurphy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Established but New Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, but Murphy's still hated, he's also very emotional around Finn, nothing past getting to the ground actually happened the way it did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4071589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assholemurphy/pseuds/assholemurphy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Murphy are in a relationship, but Murphy's having a hard time accepting the positive attention and returning it, so Finn resolves to take it one step at a time to ease Murphy into it, so he doesn't run off anymore, because Finn loves Murphy, and if Murphy isn't able to say it then Finn will just have to say it enough for the both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Because two-way-romeo sent me an ask and I got inspired to write it. This is a continuation of this [here](http://assholemurphy.tumblr.com/post/117610422818/for-the-drabbles-either-32-i-think-im-in-love)

Finn was content, everything was calm and peaceful, no fights or shouting like in camp, the bunker was cut off from the rest of the world and safe. He was curled around the boy he loved and he couldn't be more content just to lie there, not sleeping, not talking, just existing together for the time being. He smiled, pressing his face into the back of Murphy's neck and sighing, Murphy shivering when his breath ghosted across his neck and swatting at him playfully to get him to stop. Finn laughed, which really didn't help at all and only served to make Murphy try to elbow him.

“Stop it.” Finn chuckled, grabbing Murphy's hand to keep him from trying to smack him again. He intertwined their fingers, resting their hands against Murphy's stomach and hummed happily, kissing Murphy's shoulder. He liked this best, lying next to Murphy. Sometimes they talked, Finn telling Murphy stories about his family or about Raven and his adventures on the Ark and Murphy laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Sometimes Murphy would tell him stories, too, of ridiculous things and tragic love affairs. He quoted Shakespeare a lot and though Finn had never cared for those plays, he couldn't help but fall in love whenever Murphy told them. But sometimes it was silent and they just laid there, content to be in the other's arms for a while, until sunrise when the camp started moving and they had to be there.

However, of all their silence and stories, Murphy had never once talked about his life on the Ark, aside from a few passing comments that left Finn to piece together a very lonely, painful puzzle. But Murphy was a closed book, and any attempt to pry had been met with silence and an empty space beside him where Murphy had been. He never got angry, he just avoided answering, avoided the questions and, to Finn, that was worse, because anger could be dealt with, could be worked through, avoidance was harder to help. Avoidance meant whatever it was was to much to handle.

“Hey, Finn?” Murphy's whisper cut through the calm silence around them and he flexed his fingers in Finn's grasp, fidgeting, already uncomfortable before even asking the question he meant to. Finn hummed in response, letting Murphy know he was listening and that he should continue. Murphy sucked in a shuddering breath, “What are we doing?”

“Cuddling.” Finn answered him, voice just as quiet, even though there was no need to whisper here. They were alone, the only ones who knew about this place, it wasn't like they'd be overheard.

“No, I mean-” Murphy growled softly, irritated at himself. “Never mind.” He didn't need to be reassured every five seconds that Finn still wanted him and that this wasn't just something fun for him until he got bored and decided that there were far better partners out there for him, which there were, but Murphy didn't need constant reassurance. Except that he did.

“Is something wrong, babe?” Finn asked in concern. Murphy had been doing that a lot lately, starting to ask or say something but cutting himself off before he did. Finn was worried, but it was Murphy, so prying wasn't going to help.

“No. Everything's fine.” Murphy lied. He was being childish and annoying. Normal people didn't need to be constantly told they were wanted. They didn't need reminders every two seconds that they weren't a mistake.

“Alright.” Finn nodded, not believing him but letting it go. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know.” Murphy nodded. Finn told him often and Murphy loved hearing it. Finn could tell him a hundred times a day and he'd never get tired of hearing it because he hadn't heard it in so long and then here was Finn, so willing to love him even though he didn't deserve it and he was patient and gentle and he was all the things Murphy had never had and didn't think he deserved but he still _was._ He didn't deserve it but Finn gave it to him and it was too much but it was everything Murphy had refused to let himself want. “I-” He stopped, the words caught in his throat. _I love you, too._ How hard was it to say it?

Too hard. Murphy had yet to be able to say it even once because last night's _'I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified.'_ didn't count. _'I_ _**think** _ _I'm in love with you'_ not _'I am.'_ But Murphy was. He loved Finn and he wanted to tell him but he was scared. Because the last person he'd loved had blamed him for his father's death and then died, leaving him alone and what if that's what happened to Finn, too? What if he died and left Murphy alone again? Or if he just left? It was a very real possibility and he didn't think he could handle it, so the words stuck in his throat and he swallowed them down, his stomach sour and his fists clenched. He couldn't say it because that made it real, and if it was real it could hurt him. He didn't want to get hurt again. But Finn deserved better than that. He deserved better than the walls Murphy had built up, but Murphy wasn't sure how to take them down, wasn't even sure he wanted to because that would leave him vulnerable.

He couldn't say it, no matter how much he wanted to. “I have to go. Sorry.” He forced out, pulling away from Finn and standing up, not looking at him, not able to deal with the disappointment he'd see on Finn's face. He just couldn't say it. He wanted to but he couldn't. He reached for his clothes, dressing as he walked, leaving the bunker without looking back even once.

Finn watched Murphy leave, wincing when the door of the bunker slammed closed behind him. Murphy did that a lot, darting off when anything made him uncomfortable or opened the door to being vulnerable. Every now and then Murphy would open up just a tiny bit, and Finn knew he was trying, but it was hard and going too fast was only going to scare him off. Fin needed to ease into it slowly, because Murphy was the equivalent of a wounded animal at this point and he was going to run at the smallest sign of potential harm, and vulnerability lead to harm one hundred percent of the time for Murphy. Finn wanted to change that, because he loved Murphy, and he was going to have do his best to prove that love wasn't the terrifying unknown risk that Murphy thought it was. He had to prove that it was a sure thing, that he wasn't going to hurt him and that they could go as slow as Murphy wanted.

He let his head drop to the floor, groaning into the mess of sheets. He should have been more careful about this. Murphy had said he was terrified, Finn needed to be more gentle about this. He needed to ease into it without scaring Murphy, get him used to being cared for, because that seemed to be the problem. Maybe he should talk to Clarke, she might be able to help him. That would mean telling her about their relationship, though, and Murphy had been adamantly against being public from the beginning.

He needed to go about this differently. In baby steps.

 

* * *

 

_Step one: Start small. Reassure him that you won't rush him. This is at his pace and you love him._

Finn made his way through the darkness towards the wall Murphy was guarding tonight. He hadn't seen him in a week, not since he ran out on him, but that was partly his own fault. Murphy had been avoiding him but it wasn't like Finn had actively sought him out, figuring Murphy had needed some time to himself. He hoped he'd given him enough, but as with all the other times Murphy had run off, if Finn didn't go to him in the end, Murphy would never make any move to come back, generally out of fear that Finn wouldn't want him back. That had been established the first time they'd fought, though, it had been less of a fight and more Finn pushing too hard.

He made sure his footsteps were loud enough for Murphy to hear so he wouldn't startle him as he walked over, climbing up the ladder swiftly and sitting himself down beside Murphy, the shadows dark enough to keep them both hidden. It was too much of a risk to have too many flames burning while they all slept, so aside from the one torch flickering in the corner, there was no light. Better to hide, because Murphy still wasn't comfortable with their relationship being public knowledge. That was fine, Murphy could decide the terms on which they did this, Finn didn't care as long as he could still have Murphy, even if it was only in private.

“Hey.” Murphy greeted, giving him a tight, nervous smile. His rifle rested against his chest and the sight of it made Finn wince. He hated guns. Murphy noticed and laid it to his side, close enough to grab if he needed it, but away, so Finn wouldn't be bothered by it. Murphy understood his hatred for violence and wished he could be the same, but he'd grown up with it, it was all he knew, ingrained in his skin like a scar, marring him and proving that he was never going to be good, no matter what he did. He was violence and rage, it was in his blood, how he was raised. He wondered why Finn would ever choose someone like him. But he was glad he had. “So, about the other day, I'm sorry for running out like that.” He felt the need to give some sort of explanation for his actions. “I just-” How did he phrase it without sounding like he was damaged and terrified of feelings? Which, okay, he kind of was, but it wasn't the type of thing he wanted to advertise. “I had to go because I-” He got stuck again, the words refusing to form. Was it really so hard to say _'I ran away because I was scared of loving you and getting hurt again because it's kind of been a pattern in my life so far, and yeah, sorry about that'_ without sounding so desperately messed up?

“It's fine.” Finn assured him. “I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It's alright. You don't have to say it. Not ever if you don't want.” Finn wanted to hear it, he did, but he wasn't going to push Murphy to say it. If he never said it, that was alright.

“Really?” Murphy hated himself for how childishly hopeful he sounded.

“Yeah.” Finn nodded, taking Murphy's hand in his own and running his thumb across his knuckles. “I'll say it enough for us both.”

Murphy smiled at him and it made Finn's heart skip a beat. Murphy might not be the softest person in the world, but he smiled the brightest, though he didn't do it often enough. “And you're just, okay with that?”

“Mhm.” Finn turned Murphy's hand in his own and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I love you.” A kiss to his wrist. “I love you.” He leaned up, pressing a kiss to Murphy's cheek, “I love you.”

“You can stop whenever you feel like it, I get the point now.” Murphy blushed, ducking his head to hide it. Finn was a sap and he loved it, but it was embarrassing as hell.

“Maybe I don't want to stop? Ever think of that? Maybe I want to keep saying until I've used up all the oxygen on this planet, huh?” Finn teased.

Murphy rolled his eyes, “That's impossible.”

“I don't believe you. Guess we'll have to find out who's right, then, won't we? A science experiment.” Finn reasoned, wrapping his arms around Murphy. If they were found they'd get into a lot of trouble for not being alert and on guard, but it would be worth it. Murphy had taken last watch, so no one was awake or willing to bother. “Wanna try?”

“Well, since it's for science.” Murphy gave in, letting Finn do as he pleased. It was reassuring, knowing Finn wasn't going to expect him to say it back to him just yet. In time Murphy hoped he'd be able to, but not just yet.

“Okay, then.” Finn began, pressing a kiss to Murphy's lips. “I love you...”

 

* * *

 

_Step Two: Care for him, he needs it._

“Twice, Finn. Twice!” Murphy ranted, ducking into his tent, Finn following behind with an amused smile on his face. Murphy ranting about Bellamy was always amusing, he acted like he hated the guy but anyone could see he looked up to him, something that should probably worry Finn more than it did.

“Twice.” Finn agreed, letting the tent flap close behind them. Everyone was at the campfire, eating and drinking and socializing but Murphy hadn't wanted to bother, so Finn had followed him away from the crowd, listening to him recount the days events.

“We were so close to it and he steps on a stick and scares it off. How incredibly dumb can you get? Then he acted like it was no big deal despite the fact that it most definitely was. Had it been anyone else he would have been down their throats in a second.” Murphy grumbled, sitting down on his bed of fur and cloth, wincing at the impact. “We could have been back ages ago, but no.”

“Did you get hurt?”

“No, just sore. I got shoved into two rocks, a tree, and tripped and fell on my face. The only reason I'm not bleeding out is because Griffin's got magical powers or some shit.” He pointed to the scrapes on his face. He had spent a while in the dropship with Clarke, but Finn had assumed it was because Bellamy was more interested in checking in on Octavia than he was telling Clarke about their hunting trip.

“Ouch.” Finn winced in sympathy. “Be more careful next time, okay? I'd rather you didn't die.”

“If I'm going to die it's not going to be because I face planted into a boulder. It'll be something badass, like fighting a mutant bear or defending your honor.”

“My honor?” Finn chuckled, watching as Murphy took off his shirt, more scratches becoming visible on his chest.

“Yeah, like a knight.”

“You're a knight?”

“Sure.” Murphy shrugged, tossing his shirt into the corner of his tent.

“Alright then, Sir Murphy, let me see the damage.” Finn told him, playing along.

“There's not much of it, like I said, I'm just sore and a bit stiff. Sleeping in a damn tree is not good for the spine.” Murphy huffed. The least they could have done was slept properly, but of course not. “This is the last time I'm going hunting with Bellamy. He can do it himself.”

No it wouldn't be. Finn rolled his eyes, settling down behind Murphy. He didn't really look beat up, and he'd just gotten back from Clarke, so there was probably no need to worry. “Uh-huh. Does this hurt?” Finn asked, touching Murphy's back, wanting to make sure what he had in mind wouldn't hurt him.

“No.” Murphy shook his head before continuing his complaints, “He's an idiot. A real fucking dumbass. I honestly don't know why I bother...”

Finn listened to Murphy rant, his hands running across Murphy's back, checking for bruises until he stopped, deciding that, no, this wasn't going to hurt him. “You wanna lay down on your stomach for me, babe?”

“I'm too tired, Finn.” Murphy whined. “And everything hurts.”

“That's not what I want.” Finn explained, pressing a kiss into Murphy's neck and then nudging him forward, “Lie down, I'll help, okay?”

“Whatever.” Murphy gave in, too tired to actually argue. “Don't make it worse.” He said, stretching out on his stomach. The soft furs underneath him were comfortable and warm and he could fall asleep if he didn't feel like someone had dropped an anvil on him like in the old cartoons he'd watched on the Ark. Too bad they didn't have ibuprofen down here.

“I won't, I promise.” Finn said, straddling the back of Murphy's thighs. “Just relax, okay?” He'd done this before, several times, in fact. Mostly for Raven because the training she'd undergone had been brutal at times and she'd come home sore and aching. Finn had learned quickly that if he was good for anything, it was this.

“I am as relaxed as I'm going to get, Spacewalker. Would you just hurry up with- Ow!” Murphy jerked and turned his head to glare at a smirking Finn. “Did you just flick me?”

He had indeed. “Shut up and let me help, okay?”

“Fine, fine. If you break me then you have to take care of me. And I swear, I'll be the biggest pain in the ass, just try me.”

“I could deal with it, but I'm not going to hurt you.” Finn promised, deciding that it was time to end the conversation and do what he meant to do before Murphy got restless and kicked him off. He placed his hands on Murphy's lower back and began to knead the muscles that were causing Murphy to be sore.

Murphy groaned, his head dropping onto his arms, “What are you doing?”

“Helping, shh.” Finn scolded him. “Just relax.” Murphy was always tense and on guard and Finn knew getting him to relax would be a miracle in and of itself. He kneaded circles into Murphy's back, moving up and drawing a quiet moan from the boy underneath him.

“Why?”

“Because I can.” He was going to have to bring duct tape next time just to keep Murphy from asking so many questions. “Should I not?” He pulled his hands back and was met with a borderline pathetic whine.

“No, don't.” Murphy shook his head. “Feels nice.”

“Then be quiet and try to relax, love.” Finn smiled, continuing the massage. “It'll feel a hell of a lot better in the morning, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Finn assured him. He kept it up, working out the knots that had formed in Murphy's muscles until Murphy's quiet moans evened out and became soft snores. Finn smirked to himself. Putting Murphy to sleep was a personal achievement, maybe now he wouldn't be as grumpy. Not that Finn minded, Murphy was a jackass but he was _his_ jackass and he wouldn't change him for the world. Help him, fix him, love him, but not change him, because Murphy wasn't bad, he was just scared and lonely and hurt.

Finn pulled away and climbed off of Murphy, letting himself lie beside him for a moment, watching him, he was peaceful for once, a look Finn never saw when Murphy was awake. He hoped Murphy slept well, he needed it. Finn brushed the hair from Murphy's face and kissed his forehead, standing up and draping a blanket over him, looking back and smiling over his shoulder as he left the tent.

Staying might get them discovered, and Murphy wasn't ready for that.

 

* * *

 

_Step Three: Assure him you love him and you aren't going to leave him. He's broken and flawed and you love every bit of him, and no matter what he's been told, he deserves it._

Finn was exhausted. Trying to convince Clarke that peace with the Grounders was not only possible but literally their only chance for survival was a tedious process and he felt like he'd been going around in circles for the past three hours. He probably had been. If only they'd just _listen_ to him. Violence wasn't the answer, it never would be. They didn't need to constantly be on guard, they just needed to trust each other. Of course, getting them to see that was a whole other matter.

Finn sighed, slipping into his tent to be alone for five minutes to clear his head. Of course, the universe seemed to have other plans and he groaned when he notices his tent flap was already open. He just couldn't get any peace at all. Maybe he should give up the idea completely.

His attitude changed the second he saw Murphy standing in the corner of his tent, arms crossed over his chest like he was barely holding himself together. The anger and exhaustion drained from him, leaving nothing behind but concern. He pulled the tent flap closed and approached the boy cautiously, “Murphy, is everything alright?” Had something happened?

“I need-” Murphy shook his head, his voice sounded scratchy, like he'd been crying and he cleared his throat, “I need you to tell me why.”

“Why what?” Finn was confused. What was going on? Was Murphy hurt? Had something happened to him? Finn would tell him anything he wanted to know, but he needed to know Murphy was okay. “Are you alright?”

“Why you bother with this? With _me_.” Murphy asked, holding his hands out as if to reinforce that it was himself he was talking about.

“Because I love you.” It was that simple. There was no other explanation he could give Murphy because none existed. Murphy wasn't perfect, he was far from it, but Finn loved him, he wasn't sure how else to explain.

“But _why?_ Why me? Why bother with someone like me, Finn? I've seen the way everyone in camp looks at you, you could have anyone, hell, you could even have Princess Griffin, if she pulled the stick from her ass long enough to let something else up there. You could be with any of them, so why me?” Murphy asked, his voice shaky but he went on, “I'm not exactly the greatest person here. Hell, I'm not even good or decent, I'm barely tolerable. I'm angry and loud and rude and I'm too fucking afraid of my own damn feelings to actually say them out loud and you deserve better than that. You deserve so much better because you're kind and patient and you don't yell at me when I fuck up even though I deserve it and you keep saying you love me and I can't say it back, just, _why_?”

“Because I want you, not them. I love _you,_ whether you're loud or not. I don't mind it, I actually like it, and I find your rude comments to be hilarious, if a bit ill-timed in some cases.” Finn liked everything about Murphy, he didn't understand why Murphy didn't already know that.

“But I don't _deserve it._ I cause nothing but trouble, I'm always in the way, I can't do anything without you or Bellamy holding my hand, I'm useless. I've only ever been good at fucking things up, even when I was a kid. You know I killed my dad, right? It was my fault, my mother, too. I break things, Finn. And I'm going to fuck this up, too, so you should just leave now.”

“You aren't. You can't. Nothing you can do is going to make me want to leave you, alright? I'm not leaving. I love you and you do deserve it. Will you please tell me what happened?” Finn asked, closing the distance between them and cupping Murphy's cheek in his hand, “What's got you upset, love?”

Murphy took a shuddering breath, rubbing at his stinging eyes, “Nothing. Nothing's wrong.”

“Murphy.” Finn encouraged, “I can't help if you don't let me, you know that.”

“I know, but you can't help it. They were drunk and it was stupid to get upset but I did because they were right.”

“Who was drunk and what'd they say?” Whoever had hurt Murphy was going to have hell to pay, peacekeeper of not, Finn would make sure they never hurt Murphy again. He'd been hurt enough, he didn't need it from some bratty delinquents who couldn't hold their damn liquor.

Murphy shrugged, trying to get over his outburst. “Nothing important. It was just some stupid comments, it's no big deal.”

“Obviously it is.” Finn pressed, ready to retreat if Murphy decided he wanted to run away again.

“I'm just a child, that's all.” Murphy spat, hating himself for his display of vulnerability. He wanted to step away from Finn and pretend it never happened but he couldn't, because Finn was concerned and caring and he wasn't mocking Murphy for getting upset and he wanted to open up to Finn, it was just hard. “Can we just, drop it?”

“Of course.” Finn nodded, “Do you want to talk about something else, then?”

“Can we not talk?” Murphy asked, quietly. He wanted to be close to Finn, needed to be, but it was hard to talk and this was the compromise he always went back to. “If you want to, I mean.”

“Are you sure?” Finn didn't want to take advantage of him, he was upset and not thinking and, yeah, they were together, but if Murphy wasn't in a very good place it didn't matter.

“Yeah. Yeah, please. I'm okay now, I promise, I just need-” To be reassured, to be loved, to not have to think about it and to not have to use words because words were hard and he needed Finn. “I need you, okay? But I really don't want to talk, can we just...?

“Okay.” Finn nodded, kissing Murphy softly, and then pulling away and nodding towards the door, “You want to go to the bunker, or?”

“No. Here's fine. Just be quiet.”

“I'm not the loud one.”

“Shut up.”

Finn chuckled, letting Murphy pulling him towards the mess of blankets. If Murphy wanted to be loved, Finn could do that. He'd take him apart slowly, until he shook and begged and keened, fingers twisting in Finn's hair, needing, biting his lip to stop himself from crying out because it was too much and not enough and it all at once. Finn would take him apart and put him back together with whispered words and gentle caresses and when it was over he would ask for nothing in return because this wasn't for him. This was about Murphy, it was always about Murphy, because he loved him and he always would.

 

* * *

 

_Step Four: Let him take baby steps, too. It's not a lot, but he's starting to trust you. Let him._

“Finn!” Murphy beamed when he say the shorter boy walking over.

“Murphy.” Finn greeted, smiling back. Their relationship had grown stronger and Murphy had been opening up more, letting him in. It still wasn't a lot, but it was a start, a great one, at that. “Anything good?”

“No, not really. Just a bunch of plants Monty insists are important.”

“Maybe they are.”

“They're boring.”

“I'll give you that.” Finn agreed. He was no botanist, the idea of learning anything beyond 'don't eat that' didn't appeal to him in the slightest. “So, are you and Bellamy going back out again?”

“Not today. Bell says there's supposed to be storms coming, I don't know how he knows, but he's usually right. We're not going back out until they pass.”

“Oh.” Finn nodded. “Well, that means you'll be spending more time around camp, right? So we can meet up later tonight or something?”

“Actually, I was hoping you'd eat with us tonight? You don't have to, but if you want to.” Murphy offered, rubbing the back of his neck a little nervously.

Finn was a taken aback. Murphy had never invited him to do anything with him that involved other people being around, but Finn was all for it. Another step forward, maybe. “Sure.”

Murphy's eyes brightened and he took a hold of Finn's hand, pulling him along behind him towards the campfire. “Great, Mbege tells the worst jokes, I think you'll like him...” Murphy chattered on, Finn doing his best to keep up. It was no fair he was as short as he was, trying to keep up with someone as long legged as Murphy was nearly an Olympic feat.

He was still in shock when Murphy sat him down in the middle of the group of guard members. He thanked him when Murphy shoved a stick of whatever meat they'd cooked today into his hand and ate it silently, watching Murphy interact with the group. He seemed to provide most of the sarcasm and logic for the group, pointing out flaws in their outrageous claims, receiving dirty looks each time that he took pride in. Finn smiled, wanting to brush away the strands of hair that had fallen into his face while he argued with Miller about the size of a panther they'd killed. Murphy swore it was only half as big as Sterling said, Miller argued that it didn't matter, they'd brought it down anyway and neither one of them was giving any ground despite the argument not mattering in the slightest.

It got late quickly, and people began to leave until it was only Murphy and the small group of people he was still arguing with, Miller having switched to his side sometime during the middle and they were both arguing with Sterling and Monroe over what seemed to be tiny details. 'No, it's eyes were yellow, not green, are you colorblind?'

Finn yawned and shook his head, trying to stay awake and drawing the attention of Murphy, causing a pause in the argument. “You tired?”

“Kind of.” Finn admitted, not really wanting to leave Murphy.

“Go to bed, then.” Murphy told him, “Don't you and the princess have peace treaties to work out in the morning?”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts. Our lives hinge on you being able to sweet talk the Grounders into letting us live, and we both know you're shit at talking about anything when you're tired.”

“What-” Murphy hadn't said that in front of everyone, had he? Maybe it didn't mean much, maybe they all thought he and Murphy were good friends or something and Finn was just reading too much into it.

“Go to sleep, Finn.” Murphy shoved him gently, making him nearly fall of the log he was sitting on.

“Okay, fine. Fine. I'll sleep.” Finn surrendered, going to stand up only to be held in place by Murphy's hand. He was going to tell him how counterproductive he was being, since he was the one wanting Finn to sleep in the first place, but his mind went blank when he felt Murphy's lips brush his cheek.

“Goodnight.” Murphy told him, letting him go. This was new, this was good, but new and Finn didn't know how to respond.

“Oh, okay?” Did that really just happen or was Finn more more tired that he had originally thought? A wolf whistle cut through to him, coming from a grinning Monroe.

“Nice, Murphy.”

“Shut up!” He snapped, glaring at her, his cheeks darkening with a blush and he dug the toe of his boot into the ground.

This was more than Finn had expected him to ever be okay with and he wasn't sure how to react, but he smiled wide, tucking the strand of hair that had been bothering him behind Murphy's ear. “Goodnight.”

It wasn't a lot, but it was a start, and it meant Murphy trusted him enough to let other people know, that he trusted Finn not to hurt him. They weren't hiding anymore and Finn couldn't be happier, his heart jumping in his chest as he made the trek to his tent. He laid awake for another hour, a stupid grin on his face that he couldn't shake off no matter what he did. Murphy had kissed him in public. In front of his friends. That was a huge step forward for them, and Finn was still giddy come morning, thinking about it.

 

* * *

 

_Step Five: You aren't the only one who loves him, but there's still so many who don't. Ignore them, he's more important._

“Are you sure about this?” Murphy asked, shuffling along beside Finn, his head down so he couldn't see the judgmental stares they were receiving from the majority of the camp. They'd been together publicly for almost three months and some people still thought it was their business to judge them. It was no secret Murphy wasn't well liked among them, but Finn was, and it was incomprehensible to them that Finn wold be with someone like Murphy. Fine. Finn didn't care what they thought, they didn't matter to him nearly as much.

“I'm sure.”

“But they're staring.”

“Let them.” Finn shrugged, taking Murphy's hand in his own as they walked through camp, on their way to meet the rest of Murphy's friends. Friends he still didn't believe he had managed to make. “They don't matter.”

“It doesn't bother you? That they think you're crazy for being with me?”

“No. I love you. Their opinions are irrelevant.” Finn told him. “They don't get it, that's their problem. Keep your head up, you're better than they give you credit for.”

“Am I really?” Murphy muttered to himself as the cam upon the dropship.

“Yes, you are. Earth is a second chance, Murphy. Take it.”

Murphy nodded, still looking unsure but he smiled. “Right. I'm still going to be an asshole, though.”

“I would be worried if you weren't.” Finn laughed, waving to the group of people who were waiting for them.

“Took you long enough.” Miller grumbled, glaring at them half halfheartedly, “It's hot and Bellamy gave us permission to leave as long as we took a gun and get back before sun down.”

“Sorry, we were busy.” Finn shrugged, letting Miller lead the way. There was one place to swim where they were sure nothing was in the water that would try to eat them, they'd stumbled upon it about a month back and had made the effort to make sure it was safe. Now, as long as everyone had permission for their great rebel leader -honestly, it was more so they would know if someone went missing, but Bellamy liked to act like it was because he was in charge and they all humored him- then they were free to come and go as they pleased, ever since the treaty with the Grounders had passed.

“Uh-huh. I'm sure you were.” Monroe snickered, bumping her shoulder into Murphy's as she passed him by.

“That's not-” Murphy started to protest but the chorus of laughter the erupted around him cut him off. “Whatever. Jackasses.”

“You love us.” Finn teased, squeezing Murphy's hand lightly.

“I do.” Murphy nodded, giving Finn a small smile.

Finn brightened considerably, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

It wasn't perfect. There was so much left to untangle. Murphy was broken and damaged and Finn wasn't going to be able to fix him over night. He still tried not to push too hard, but he wasn't about to pull away. He loved Murphy. Even when he fell apart. Even when he screamed and raged and broke the bones of his hand against a tree. Even when he refused to speak to Finn for days. Even when he cried and apologized and begged Finn to leave him. Finn would always love him and stay with him, because Murphy wasn't bad, he was damaged, and he could be fixed and patched up with time and care. They were just going to have to take baby steps.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is loved. Find me here: [assholemurphy](http://assholemurphy.tumblr.com/)


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